Riddle Of Revenge

2011-04-24T18:08:00.001+08:00

2011-02-26T19:53:00.006+08:00

Wish List:

- MCR shirt (red/green)

- SPCrew -> (GOT IT!!)

- Simple Plan Get Your Heart On!

- Any Simple Plan merch

- Breathe Carolina Shirt

- Breathe Electric Shirt

- All Time Low Dirty Work

- The Umbrella Academy mug!!!

- LeATHERMOUTH hoodie -> (GOT IT!)

- New earpiece -> (BOUGHT!)

- Casing for my phone

- Motorola Xoom -> (Wait long long.)

- New violin -> (BOUGHT!)

- DSLR camera -> (Checked)

- Nice diary

- Motorola v9

- Levi's/Ed Hardy watch

- GR dog

- Big Doraemon

- MCR pins

- MCR bracelet

- MCR pendant

- LOTS AND LOTS OF BAND MERCH!

There're so many things I want.. LOL. Btw, there are more to come, dear my wish list. I'll update you soon. LOL.

mgfreak

2011-01-15T22:35:00.001+08:00

I am not gonna tolerate anymore. If you really dare to make us come to school on 4th Feb, I am not gonna come! And, I will make sure that I'm so gonna write to the school regarding this matter. Or worse, to MOE.

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2010-12-01T01:14:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of being nice to people. What's the point? Seriously, I fucking hate my life.

MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE : DANGER DAYS

2010-11-27T21:47:00.001+08:00

I bought myself a copy of DANGER DAYS CD yesterday!! Finally!! Omg I'm so happy! And I got a free GIANT POSTER!!! For the mysterious sticker inside, I GOT GERARD WAY STICKER!!! Awesomeeeeeee rightttttt?! I love this album so much!! My favourite track so far would be S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W and Bulletproof heart. MCR never fails me! Their songs are always awesome! Even though now they have changed, but still they're awesome. But actually I still prefer The Black Parade album but well, what can I say? They really never stop giving us a surprise. I love MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!!! <3 <3 <3

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2010-11-14T03:37:00.003+08:00

Me. Looking at them.

My friends. No, we were friends.

Not anymore. We were separated.

From time to time. It all goes by.

You ignored me. I never exist.

Not in your world.

I took a step back.

Staying away from you.

Trying to accept the truth.

Nothing lasts forever.

Less than one decade.

We were close.

It slowly fades.

Away from me.

I am not interested anymore.

In any kind of friendship.

Nothing is real you know.

My life, it's distorting.

So goodbye.

Don't cry.

Don't even try.

To act like as if you care.

Because I am aware.

That everything is just fake.

Thank you for your time.

That you've wasted on me.

For all your effort.

To make me feel important.

It no longer matter.

Everything just won't get any better.

To see life as it is.

Accept the truth.

Know your limit.

You know when you need to stop,

You just gotta stop.

Stop trying.

Stop believing.

Disappointed, maybe I am.

Thank you my friends.

I'll miss you till the end.

With love,

xobleedinGirl

2010-11-01T13:42:00.002+08:00

CAPE DEH - Project Pop

Begini salah begitu juga salah
Diem pasti salah
Ngomong apalagi

Menghindar gak mungkin
Ngelawan gak yakin
Mengalah lagi-lagi
Bikin kesel hati

Kamu komplikasi
Akunya frustrasi
Pala mumet-mumet
Hati empet-empet

Cape deh cape deh cape deh
Cape deh cape deh cape deh
Cape deh cape deh cape deh
Ya cape deh

Minta maaf salah
Gak minta makin parah
Ngejawab artinya
Cari gara-gara

Kamu komplikasi
Akunya frustrasi
Pala mumet-mumet
Hatinya empet

Cape deh cape deh
Kita semua cape deh
Cape deh cape deh
Tapi tetep cinta deh

kita komplikasi
kitanya frustrasi
‘pala mumet-mumet
hatinya empet

2010-10-22T00:00:00.001+08:00

Please remember to forget. Because it's gonna be bad.
There's something I need to say.
Maybe

Thank you.

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2010-10-12T14:18:00.003+08:00

Art Is Just A Total Fucking Nonsense And You Know It

Let's just start with this topic. I hate art. I know it's totally ridiculous but what can I say. It's true! Oh wait. Not really. Art is fine but being artistic is not fine at all. Let alone people who is overly artistic. You can draw, you can paint, you can create something normal people can't understand, SO WHAT? Does doing that make you the King of all human beings? You told me art is a very relative stuff and yet you keep on making me feel that I'm the one who is wrong. No matter what I do, you just won't stop telling me that my work is bad. Hey! Look at me, I understand that you are a great artist but until now, have you ever create something or at least do something that could change the world? Or just make it better? No. Never. So what's the point of being an artist or a designer? You make money. Yes it's true, you make BIG money. Nothing else.

Millions of people praise Leonardo Da Vinci or Van Gogh or Picasso. Who were they? They're just a bunch of people having too much imagination. They painted what they dreamt and the paintings are nice. Nice, that's it. For goodness sake, what could a painting do to you? Impress you! And then? NOTHING.

And so there's this 'person' who told everyone to create something - an art work, that can create a smile when people see it. All that I could say was, OH. You wanna know something? When I saw this person's work, it did not create a smile on my face, instead, I squinted my eyes and I smirked. I whispered to myself, 'And so this is the kind of work that create a smile? HA HA. It's nothing more than a pile of bullshit. You called mine a rubbish before, now it's my turn.' Stop being too artistic, people don't understand you.

After about three years, I could finally understand why Gerard said what he said that changed his life and from then he changed and saved others. "FUCK ART" I can never forget that two words. Just for your info, Gerard is a great artist, but when he started to abandon art and create music, that's when he realized that words are more meaningful than just a piece of art. No matter how great 'Monalisa' is, it is still nothing compared to Famous Last Words. It is not because I'm one of his biggest fans, but if you wanna ask anyone in this world, he'll agree with me, unless he has not found the TRUE meaning behind words.

Maybe I can still tolerate about art, but someone said to me about my work and so I made this sentence, 'Don't tell me that my work is rubbish because you don't have the right to say, and yours is nothing more than a pile of shit. Thank you.'

If you want to be someone, don't judge people. Or I will judge you.

I am not someone who will just sit back when people judge me. The word revenge never get off my dictionary.

Dear 'person', you know, it's great to be great but it's greater to be human. And to be human is not just physically being a human. I hope you get what I mean, unless you're not a human.

2010-09-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

'It was like what the fuck are you doing? If you really think you are damn fucking good, what are you doing here?'

Today we finally presented our studio project. As usual, since when we didn't screw up? I stood up before everyone, trying to get the best out of me. Holding my breath, I stared right into his eyes trying to figure out what he's gonna say about us. I knew that there's no way that he ever gonna compliment our works. If he ever does, the sky would be falling. My fucking heart was beating so fast that I could feel it in my throat. But after sometimes, it got better, I was just so sick of it and we really need to get this shit done. I really, no, it's us. WE really couldn't stand him. The way he always makes things upside down is making me sick. The way he shoots us and that freaking smile he always makes is like putting insult on injury. AND. I really don't get it WHY he always wants everything to be perfect? If we can do everything perfectly, then WHAT IS THE POINT OF COMING TO SCHOOL? Just for the fun of it and to make friends? He is a teacher, he should know what he should do! There are just so many things about this course that I wanna talk about, but I'm just too tired. Seriously, if I can't make it to the next round, then I'll quit. If I can, I'll stay.

2010-09-05T15:40:00.001+08:00

Kyo:Chaque Seconde

J'ai cherché l'erreur, au coeur du systèmes
Ce qui brille est un leurre
Ce qui brille peut fondre au soleil
J'ai cherché l'erreur, qui trouble mon sommeil
J'ai cherché pendant des heures
Pour voir que tout est à refaire

En fait tout est clair, je rel've la tête

Je veux vivre chaque seconde
Comme si demain était la fin du monde
être libre pour de bon
A trop vouloir se lever on tombe

Abandonner la fièvre, ne plus regarder en arrière
Trouver l'essentiel pour enfin oublier le reste
Je n 'veux plus d'adresse
Je ne veux plus qu'en vain on se blesse
Je voudrais pouvoir éclore et demain sourire encore

En fait tout est clair, je rel've la tête

Je veux vivre chaque seconde
Comme si demain était la fin du monde
être libre pour de bon
A trop vouloir se lever on tombe

On tombe

Je veux vivre chaque seconde
Comme si demain était la fin du monde
être libre pour de bon
A trop vouloir se lever on tombe(x2)

On tombe...

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2010-08-31T00:18:00.002+08:00

And there I was, sitting right at the corner of the window glass. Hey, why am I here? What am I doing here? Didn't I tell myself that I don't wanna go back here? Didn't I beg? There's no wind blowing, nothing. The stars are gone. And the memories are never left behind. I still remember the day when I sat at the edge of the wall, and the wind blew through my face and washed away my hair. That's when the sky started crying and its tear dropped on my face. It's like the sky was crying over me, so sad that it just couldn't stop crying. I couldn't let go, still can't. That place was meant for me. And then I asked, 'Why do I have to go?'

And so I took my flight, found myself caught in the rush. I knew that it won't take so long for me to go home again but why did my eyes got so painful, it's piercing right through my veins. I couldn't take it but I waited and looked up, telling myself, I'll be back again. Nothing was on my mind, but, I wanna go home, so badly.

Back to school. The place that I hate the most. MGBD has really taken over my life. There's always nothing I can do but doing projects which never meant anything. Those projects are just so worthless. I've learnt nothing but found out my true self. I don't belong here because I hate art. Art is stupid. So what is it now? 'Why man creates?' Let me explain, why do you have to care so much? No man creates. You know that, but you're just trying to be artistic and you stole. What does this topic have to do with us? How can it helps us in becoming a good designer? I wish I can QUIT.

I would never want to be a designer again. It's enough. Art is just a total nonsense.

2010-08-26T17:07:00.001+08:00

Mulai stress. Grup gw orang2nya yg gak gt gw kenal. weleh weleh...gmn nasib aku ini.. moga2 smua berjalan dengan lancar.

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2010-08-25T16:40:00.001+08:00

4 days more and I'll be back to that freaking country. And soon, I'll start digging my own grave in MGBD while trying to survive to do the frigging studio project. I am sure that it will be just like those integrated projects or perhaps, worse.

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2010-08-23T18:19:00.001+08:00

My holiday is ending soon. Argh! I don't wanna go back to singapore! And obviously I don't wanna go back to that freaking school!

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2010-08-16T11:46:00.001+08:00

argh my holiday is ending soon. Only left 2 more weeks! I really don't wanna go back to Spore anymore.. someone help me please. Urgh!!

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2010-08-16T00:40:00.001+08:00

You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I'll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds - Mayday Parade

And honestly, I have been begging for answers
That you and only you can give to me
A voice crying loud
I've been crying for days now
And as I start to run, I stop to breathe
(And I was nearly scared to death)
And I was nearly scared to death
(Why you left in paragraphs)
Why you left in paragraphs
(The words were nearly over us)
The words were nearly over us
You stop and turn and grab your bags

And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

As hours move to minutes
And minutes take longer to break
I will be desperately awaiting
But my tongue won't fall apart
And we've been sitting here for hours
All alone and in the dark

So let me think of to word it
Is it too soon to say 'perfect'?
If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere
I'm sure everything would find me
All that's left is just to sing

And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

If you'll sing to me sweet until then,
I may never sail Virginia again
And as this current moves slow for me
This much you must know of me again
And I'll have you know I'm scared to death

Tell me once again
That you'll love me to the death
And should I die, you swear that you will come for me
As I fade away, you reach out your hand
(And please don't let me go)
And please don't let me go
(And please don't let me go)
And please don't let me go

And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every wave drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

2010-06-25T00:15:00.003+08:00

Sigh. My only 2 weeks holiday is ending soon..in less than 3 days. And my fucking colour theory assignment is UNDONE. I CAN NOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE! You know, thanks to you, MGBD, now I know why I like biology and especially HISTORY. I really10x miss my secondary school life and what I used to study. Why? Because studying Science, Maths and Humanities are much better. You know what is the right and the wrong answer. If you want to excel, just score. So simple. You don't have to crack your brain thinking what to do, how to start and how to be CREATIVE. What I think is good, they think it's not. Everything is UNCLEAR. I feel like I am not in a Motion Graphics and Broadcast Design course, but 'CONFUSION' course. I am confused, damn fucking confused! I used to ask why Gerard Way said 'Fuck art!'. Now I know. Wait, I already lost my faith in art since I was in sec 4 but I didn't hate it as much as I do now. Being in MGBD is like putting myself on a chopping block but in this course I found out who I really am. I found out what is my real passion. It's not art, it's poetry. But still, I love biology and history. I wanna be a doctor or a scientist, not the normal kind of doctor, I wanna work like someone in CSI. LOL. But I wanna be a historian or an archeologist too. And of course, the one thing that I really love doing is writing. But why am I here?

2010-06-10T23:48:00.002+08:00

I Wish I Could Do The Same To You

Not that easy to prove what I say

Something I can never explained why

The things you might have waited today

Sorry to make you break off your mind

Maybe it's just so simple to be told

I just wish I could do the same to you

Like the story you told and remains unfold

I just wish I could do the same to you

If there's anything you wish to ask

Free your mind and blow me off

With what you've kept in the dust

I can't wait to hear from your mouth

Blame me like as if I'm at fault

'Cause today you'll get my answer

A sentence that I should have told

But I was afraid of losing a partner

I wish I could do the same to you

The way you make me feel awkward

The way you make me feel like a coward

I really wish I could do the same to you

PS: I made this poem last year when I was mad and irritated by my friend. When anger and hatred took place, not a word could stop me. Let it be.

2010-06-10T23:33:00.002+08:00

Tickets and Passports by Holiday Parade

I love this song!

I'll take a holiday far away

To where the bright light burns a little less everyday

I'm going to find a place that's just for me

It may take forever

I know

Forever'd be ok

I'm counting down the headlights thinking

That I believe the world is sinking

And everybody longs for something

I'd give it all again to feel it

I met a pretty girl from the coast of Spain

And as she'd count the stars she knew them all by name

She had the saddest eyes I'd ever seen

But when she smiled

I'd know exactly what she means

I'm counting down the headlights thinking

That I believe the world is sinking

And everybody longs for something

I'd give it all again to feel it

It's how the sunlight burns my eyes

Every morning when I rise

It's how I'm pulled to the horizon

Like a love that just won't die

It's when the sun becomes the moon

It breaks the world I fell into

It's how it all comes back to you

And I know, I'm not gonna change

Counting down the headlights thinking

That I believe the world is sinking

And everybody longs for something

I'd give it all again to feel it

Give it all again to feel it

I'll run until the end of the time

The second hand slowly unwinds

There's time to rest after I die

And until then these days are mine

Our last goodbye to what we know

We'll pack out bags and hit the road

These tickets and passports they lead me home

As we sing all night

wooohoooo

2010-05-23T02:01:00.001+08:00

i just bought motorola dext on thursday. finallyyyyyy . i love this phone so muchhhhhhhh.....................woohooooo

2010-05-06T01:46:00.002+08:00

Yes. I can't do this.

Why can't you just understand?

It's hard to comprehend

All the things you can't see

I am tired

I am sick

Tired of trying

Sick oh waiting

It's not easy for me

Please just stop it

You don't have to believe

It's not something I need

No I won't cry

I won't let you see

What you should see

Don't ask me why

I could scream my throat

Spill out my tongue

Desperate for unspoken words

You can kill me for once

Broken, maybe I am

Lost and it is true

Begging is not my style

You can say I'm too proud

Tell me this is not me

Yes. This is not who I used to be

This is the real me

L'envers du decor.

2010-04-29T23:08:00.003+08:00

That was terrible seriously. When he asked me, what's the problem with your presentation, I wanted to say it was a total failure but I was so nervous that whatever I wanted to say turned out to be something else. That wasn't the message. But why did I say it? I have completely lost my mind when I stood there before everyone. After 2 weeks, there are questions that stuck in my brain. Am I good enough for this course? Am I in the wrong course? Why didn't I choose Creative Writing for TV and New Media instead? Honestly, I don't like presentation, I have a phobia of standing in front of a lot of people. I HATE THIS. Yes, I kinda miss secondary school life. And why? Not again? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me? I'd rather go back to Indo, my life would be so much better there. Nobody is gonna make me feel the way I do now. I feel like a complete idiot.

2010-04-24T01:04:00.002+08:00

Oh my goodness...Seriously, I'm so fucking tired right now. First week...well, it sucks. I got 4 assignments and a project to do. This is not the kind of life that I want. Everyday starts at 9 and end at 6. What is this? Though friday I have no lesson but still, there will be a lot of projects and assignments to be done. And a few more things that really pressurized all of us, they are the expectation and requirements we must meet and of course the deadline. Late means ZERO or F. Hahahahaha...I feel like crying right now. I was thinking that maybe going to science school is better, at least I know what it is and how to start doing the projects and assignments. Here, I don't have any basic knowledge about how to do graphic design, at all. I like biology though and history. Am I in the wrong course? I know I want to do this, I like design, but I know that I CAN do science and maths. But how about getting a job? Would it be hard? I don't wanna be a doctor, I know I can't. I wanna be a poet, lyricist or a designer. Well, if somebody asks me, what do you wanna be? I would say, a poet. But is there such thing as Diploma In Poetry Writing? Anyway, it's way too late now I guess, everything is already done. Ok, fine, I admit that everything is just so fine but the only problem is the work and TIME too! Actually there's something wrong, not gonna tell here. All these problems just make me wanna say WHAT THE FUCK and OH MY GOD! Enough.

xobleedinGirl

2010-04-16T18:19:00.002+08:00

Yayaya, I know it's already 16 April and my assignment is obviously undone. Nevermind, forget about it. BTW, I feel like my blog is no longer a blog. Well, I just think it is. LOL.

2010-04-06T20:30:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW!!! AND SCREAMING TOO!!!
Why does everything have to turn out to be this way??
Yes, I am complaining right now! I really have no idea what to do and how to do this bloody assignment!! No, I'm not only frustrated with my assignment, but with everything! Fuck, what the hell do y'all want?

2010-03-30T23:46:00.002+08:00

So here I am again, back to Singapore. When was the last time I posted something? Well, I don't know..lol. Alright, well yeah, today is my first day of orientation and ya know what, it's boring. I don't know..it's just kind of hard for me to talk to people. Maybe she's right, I'm scared of people (Is there such thing?), it's just hard for me to start a conversation and talk. Damn, I hate this. I've got a lot of stuff to do for this week and next week I guess. I need to go for a check up this Thursday so I won't be going for the last day of orientation and then I need to go to NYP to take the approval letter for my student pass, go to ICA to apply for it, come back again to get it, make Ez-link card and bla bla bla. Goddammit!! Why is it so troublesome?? I'm so tired and sick with all this stuff. I wanna turn back the time to December 2009, when my super long holiday just started and there's nothing to worry about except for the Olevel results. LOL.
Well, nevermind, I'll just go to sleep, tired like shit!

xobleedinGirl

2010-03-10T00:57:00.003+08:00

Well yeah, hello everyone! It's already 10th of March! W.O.W. Bet time passed really fast. So yeah, here I am, still in my HAVEN of course, well 3 more weeks to go and I'm off to Singapore. I really have no idea why they set the orientation date for the Interactive and Digital Media School on the 30th. Are they out of their mind? For goodness' sake, the school starts on 19, what the fuck am I supposed to do for the rest of the 18 days? Fuck myself? DAMMIT!

2010-01-15T00:55:00.004+08:00

WOW. It's been quite sometimes since I last posted things. Alright, so, yeah, it has been two months since I came back to Indo. I do my stuff, dyed my hair, eat, sleep, play guitar, and then, BOOM! On the 11th, this week, I GOT MY O LEVEL RESULT! Ya know what? The results were not really good and satisfying. Well, at least, AT LEAST, I got B3 for English ( I had never get such grade before) and B3 for Combined humans, same thing, I had never get such grade before too. I got so much B3 for O level...really disappointing, especially my fucking art!! I'm not gonna tell you how much I got. ROFL.
Anyways, I already registered the JAE thingy last night. My first choice is Diploma in Motion Graphics and Broadcast Design. Hope I can get in. The result will be out two weeks later.
I hope this year things will go really well and as planned. Everything has been going quite well so far. Hope everything will be alright.
OH! I just got 5 new cute puppies!! Four black and one white. Hahaha. Wanna take some pictures but scared I would get chased by the mother. LOL. I only could take one pic this afternoon. Will take more next week maybe.
Okay then, I've got to go. It's already late honey. Good Night!!!!

xobleedinGirl

2009-11-30T14:18:00.002+08:00

16 days have past. The good news is that, I'm so free and I have nothing much to do. The bad news is, I AM GETTING FATTER!! Rencana diet GAGAL TOTAL! The food here is just too nice and I can never be able not to finish all the food. T_T. Never mind, I'll work out soon (yeah right! As if I will.).

xobleedinGirl

2009-11-25T01:35:00.002+08:00

Saya sudah di INDONESIA. HAHAHA. Alangkah santainya hidup saya di Indonesia, apalagi sudah tidak perlu sekolah lagi. Alright, enough of bullshit. LOL.
So, yeah, here I am, enjoying my life, especially with my brand new hair. Maroon red with some spiky side, but with short side, which was supposed to be long. Urgh, that freaking hairdresser, I already told him what I wanted, but yet, he still didn't know what hairstyle I want and worst of all, he cut of my side hair until it got really short. So, anyways, gotta go now....bye!

xobleedinGirl

2009-11-11T19:15:00.002+08:00

Yeah, finally! Olevel is O.V.E.R!!!! But still can't feel the excitement, kinda pissed off by something, but I have no idea what the fuck it is. Never mind, just enjoy the day. Argggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

You stood there trying
To get what you want
Left me to wonder
What would you do?
Didn't I tell you?
Get it done
For once
And get out
Pathetically, I knew
Everybody else knew
Does it even matter?
Pretending not to hear
Put off the mask, baby
It doesn't work on me
I know who you are
One big friggin liar
I am not that naive
To put my trust in you
Like digging my own grave
You know, I hate you to death
I won't even try to explain
'Cause I don't need you to be my friend.

By: xobleedinGirl

2009-10-18T17:00:00.003+08:00

Finally, I'm graduated from Broadrick, I don't know whether I would miss Broadrick or not, but I would definately miss the time when I had to wake up in the morning with grumpy face, telling myself how lazy I was to go to school. And how I panicked when I didn't do my homework or didn't study for my tests. I wish Mrs Saha was there last friday to see us, 2ECians, graduated. After 4 years in Broadrick, I hate to admit that I did have fun in school but still I can't forget those awful memories and how I went through those days with hatred. And now I just have to focus on my Olevel, I only have one more week to prepare for this freaking Olevel.
But anyway, Thank you Broadrick. Merci d'avoir enchante ma vie.

2009-10-05T15:51:00.002+08:00

Derniere Danse par Kyo

J'ai longtemps parcouru son corps
Effleuré cent fois son visage
J'ai trouvé de l'or
Et même quelques étoiles en essuyant ses larmes
Et j'ai appris par coeur la pureté de ses formes
Parfois je les dessine encore
Elle fait partie de moi

Je veux juste une dernière danse
Avant l'ombre et l'indifférence
Un vertige puis le silence
Je veux juste une dernière danse

Je l'ai connue trop tôt mais c'est pas de ma faute
La flèche a traversé ma peau
C'est une douleur qui se garde
Qui fait plus de bien que de mal
Mais je connais l'histoire, il est déjà trop tard,
Dans son regard on peut apercevoir qu'elle se prépare
Au long voyage

Je veux juste une dernière danse
Avant l'ombre et l'indifférence
Un vertige puis le silence
Je veux juste une dernière danse

Je peux mourir demain ça ne change rien
J'ai reçu de ses mains
Le bonheur ancré dans mon âme
C'est même trop pour un seul homme
Et je l'ai vue partir sans rien dire
Il fallait seulement qu'elle respire
Merci d'avoir enchanté ma vie

Avant l'ombre et l'indifférence
Un vertige puis le silence
Je veux juste une dernière danse

J'ai longtemps parcouru son corps
Effleuré cent fois son visage
J'ai trouvé de l'or
Et même quelques étoiles en essuyant ses larmes
Et j'ai appris par coeur la pureté de ses formes
Parfois je les dessine encore
Elle fait partie de moi

PS: Il est une partie de moi...

xobleedinGirl

2009-09-09T16:44:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm just not good enough for you

And maybe I just don't wanna be like you

And maybe I just don't wanna know

How low you're ready to goI'm not gonna change

You can't make me

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You're what I never wanna be

Tell me does it feel good to be like you

Tell me why should I waste my time with you

'Cause maybe you always bring me down

I'm sick of being pushed around

I'm not gonna change

You can't make me

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You're what I never wanna be

I know you think you know me

You don't know anything

I know you want to help me

I don't need anything

Don't tell me where to go

I don't need you to know

No.

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You don't

You don't mean anything to me

You're what I never wanna be

You don't mean anything to me

You're what I never wanna be

Simple Plan - You Don't Mean Anything

2009-09-08T19:55:00.002+08:00

I miss My Chemical Romance...
Well, anyway....err..what did I want to tell you??
Okay, nevermind, nothing special.
I'm BOOOOOORRRRRREEEEEEDDDDDD.

"LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA, Well C'mon!
LALALALALALALALA....IF LIFE AIN'T JUST A JOKE THEN WHY ARE WE LAUGHING?? LALALALA!!!!"

xoblledinGirl

2009-08-19T22:36:00.002+08:00

OMG! OMG! Can you believe this? I got A1 for my Malay Olevel!!! I really wasn't expecting that. Really shocked and damn fucking happy of course. OH!!!!! And check this out, Safe And Sound written by GERARD WAY and performed by a Japanese Star and OH MY GOODNESS, GERARD IS SO DAMN FUCKING COOL! He's getting more and more cuter and HOTTER. YEEEEAAAAAAHH BABY!!!!! I REALLY LOVE HIM TO DEATH. I KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND!!

xobleedinGirl

2009-08-18T20:34:00.000+08:00

Not going anywhere, hun. Just stay here and WAIT.

xobleedinGirl

2009-08-14T23:15:00.004+08:00

Not that easy to prove what I say
Something I can never explained why
The things you might have waited today
Sorry to make you break off your mind

Maybe it's just so simple to be told
I just wish I could do the same to you
Like the story you told and remains unfold
I just wish I could do the same to you

If there's anything you wish to ask
Free your mind and blow me off
With what you've kept in the dust
I can't wait to hear from your mouth

Blame me like as if I'm at fault
'Cause today you'll get my answer
A sentence that I should have told
But I was afraid of losing a partner

I wish I could do the same to you
The way you make me feel awkward
The way you make me feel like a coward
I really wish I could do the same to you

xobleedinGirl

2009-08-10T19:56:00.003+08:00

My blog has been doing really great, huh? Everything seems to be plain and empty. Alright, tell you what, I'm just gonna update you with some stuff. Currently, I'm waiting for my DPA result which will be out on 18th of August and on that day, I'll be having my English Oral Olevel exam. Wish me luck. It's gonna be either a tough day or a GREAT day. Well, just hope that everything will be alright. So, yeah, wish me luck bro!

xobleedinGirl.

2009-07-04T15:30:00.003+08:00

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!

Some freshly made poem. ROFL.

The unwanted tragedy
Calling me into insanity
Digging the grave of peace
Destroys the world to nothing

Poison in the medicine
It doesn't cure but it kills
Clotting the blood in the arteries
Smirking down to the killing pills

Taking our lives one by one
Screaming to the souls of demand
Stopping by for our last breaths
To make sure we meet our deaths

Giving your deadly final shot
So easily without any quote
Crying to the so-called God
Nothing but the surging blood

On this ground of the cursed
We leave as our hearts burst
To the unwanted place underneath
A lonely place called cemetery

xobleedinGirl

2009-07-01T20:06:00.002+08:00

Heran, jadi bete mendadak. Sebel. PR gak slesai2, byk bgt sih! Kasih PR kok kyk kasih sampah, seenak jidat aja. Mending kasih sampah skalian, gak perlu di apa2in. Damned school!
Anw, I just bought a new CD, Green Day- 21st century breakdown!!! Yeah!!!
Hahaha. I just love CDs.

2009-06-21T20:53:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to go back to SG this morning, but canceled the flight cause i was sick and i still have one more week of holiday. Tons of homework unfinished, wait, it's not unfinished but UNDONE!! DAMMIT!! Waaa...I wanna cry like hell! I bet my first day of school next semester will be like a living hell. Teachers will start nagging and won't stop scolding us...'sigh'.
Well, gotta go now...

xobleedinGirl

2009-06-05T17:32:00.001+08:00

That freaking friend. You're gonna lose!
That fucking teacher. You're gonna get sacked!

xobleeedinGirl

2009-06-01T20:26:00.003+08:00

Why am I here, once again?
Have anything to explain?
And I just remembered
This isn't the song I heard

Let the girl be me
Let the man be you
Let the song repeat
Let the story undo

One promise, one shot
One history of yours
Two stories into one
This memory of mine

Don't repeat what I said
It's not the quote of the day
Don't tell me what you need
I'm not your missing piece

One day of the days
I'm lost as I may
You cry as I die
One lie of the lies

xobleedinGirl

2009-06-01T20:09:00.002+08:00

Yeah, finally, it's over! No more Malay lessons..kinda sick of it. Hope can get A so I won't have to retake. Not that confident though. The paper one was kinda hard and I don't know whether I wrote the right thing or not. Sigh. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. All the bad thing is gonna end tonight. Oh shit, I forgot about that fucking Maths Olympiad. Dammit! I can't even do a single question. Bet I will win any award, not even a COP, I guess. LOL. Made some popcorn today and I am so full right now, the popcorn was kinda euhh. Maybe I prefer to make a poem than popcorn...gosh.

xobleedinGirl

2009-05-30T17:43:00.003+08:00

Disappointed? Am I? DUH! I wasn't expecting that but somehow I know I deserve that. I tried, okay? So please stop pressuring me. 9 may be my birth number but it doesn't work for me. Things are not supposed to be like this. But then, I kinda happy with my result, well, I got the highest for English and combine humans(ss/h) in class. Who would expect that? As in like, ME? But I'm kinda proud, yeah. I don't know why but I prefer English than Malay. I mean, my Malay Language is just so horrible, and I always stuck in the middle of my compo, and it's just hard for me to express myself using Malay language. I'm not trying to show off or something, but it's true. I like to write stories but in English, it's easier for me, I guess. And you know, my Olevel Malay is just the day after tomorrow. And everyone is like so ganchiong. It's not that I'm ready for that but I just have no idea what to study. I want to get A, just for the sake that I don't want to disappoint my teacher, and for myself I think. LOL.
Anyway, holiday is here but no holiday for me...must comeback to school and finish my coursework. Ah, Dammit!

xobleedinGirl

2009-05-24T17:17:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU!!

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN HARD WORK!!

FUCKING EXAMS!!

ASSHOLE!!

xobleedinGirl

2009-05-21T18:44:00.000+08:00

Avenged Sevenfold - Warmness on the Soul Avenged Sevenfold - Warmness on the Soul bidor

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Fiction children global

2009-05-20T16:36:00.002+08:00

Gotten back some of my exams paper liao..

English:
p1-40/60
p2-27/50 (WHAT THE FUCK!)

Malay:
p1-45/70
p2-48/70
LC-20/20 (Lucky!)
Oral-27/40 (ASSHOLE)

Art:
59/100 (FUCK!!)

EMaths:
p1-64/80
p2-80/100

Ms Huang wasn't in school today, so yeah, I didn't get back my bio paper. I hope I'll pass. ROFL.

xobleedinGirl

2009-05-19T23:36:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired and bored. Malay Olevel is coming...nothing much to prepare for this. I don't even know what to study. Well, I wonder why everyone is like so panic about it. Lol. Funny and weird. Am I the weird one? I don't know. Eveyone might think that I'm a very laid-back person and always take things easily. Well, what can I say? I think that everyone is being so panic over something that is not actually worth it. I mean, why? Do you think by being panic, things would get better? NO! You're wasting your time and energy. 'Sigh'. Though they never said anything about my attitude, I know what they're thinking. They think that I'm so arrogant and so smart until I don't have to study at all for exams. Oh, whatever. I try not to care about whatever is going on in their minds, but somehow I care, because I have this kind of feeling that they don't like me. Urgh...W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!

xobleedinGirl

2009-05-18T16:02:00.003+08:00

Man, FINALLY!!! IT'S OVER, DUDE! No more stupid exams and studying! I was like, you know- 'chipping around, kick my brains round the floor' -under pressure. Haha. Seriously, my brain was like bursting out of my head. Today is not my last paper, but tomorrow is just a listening compre. There's nothing to study, so yeah. The chemistry MCQ was damn fucking hard!! I totally didn't know how to answer those questions. I think I'm gonna fail. However, the paper 4, which was a bio paper I think, wasn't that hard though. But then, what can I say. Lat year, I thought I could do the paper, but it turned out to be like....I only got 33/65. How bad was that? I'm a SUPERB, aren't I? For the past one week, I've been suffering a lot. No computer. No comics. No free time. Not enough sleep. Let's see what's gonna happen with my results. Bad? Maybe. 'Sigh'. Is this what life is all about? Working hard, but no good result. Will I get what I deserve? I'm really tired of all these games. I'm tired of putting a mask on my face. Smiling to everyone I know, but am torn apart inside. No body cares. No body knows. This is really crazy. Why do we have to keep on living when there's no point of living? Isn't it funny? Weird? Bizzare? Now tell me, tell me what you think. I breathe for the sake of breathing. I eat for the sake of eating. I study for the sake of studying. And I try to get good results for the sake of getting them. It's not for me, then for who? Don't ask why I have this kind of thinking in my mind. I, myself, don't even know why. I'm bored. No, I'm not bored, I'm just tired. Tired of everything. All the things that are happening in my life, just happen for the sake of happening. Do you get what I mean? What I'm trying to say is that, every single thing that happens in my life, doesn't mean a thing to me. You can say that I'm living in my own world. Oh, well, I do. I don't care what you think about me. You say I'm insane, I say, I'm not insane, I'm just losing the sanity in me. So yeah, you say I'm just talking crap. Well, for this, I admit that I am just talking crap. I don't even know what the hell I'm writing up here. Why? Because, I write for the sake of writing ONLY. This is why my life is so fucked up. Good bye then.

xobleedinGirl

2009-05-04T23:19:00.001+08:00

We'll be busy for the next two weeks. Good bye laptop. Wish me goodluck for my exams! Hope I can make it!! =))

2009-05-04T19:56:00.003+08:00

I really don't get it WHY IS IT A MUST TO BRING A DICTIONARY FOR EXAM WHEN IT'S NOT EVEN ONE OF THE INSTRUCTION GIVEN ON THE EXAM PAPER! The instruction is just that YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING DICTIONARY! It is not YOU MUST BRING DICTONARY! See the difference? If you don't, then too bad. What right does she have to minus mark from me? I don't even need the dictionary during exam time, you think I have so much time to search every word that I'm gonna use for letter writing and compo? You are being unreasonable. Can't you see that I never used a Malay dictionary? I'm not the only one, there are many others who don't use dictionary too. WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?? ARE YOU TRYING TO LOOK DOWN ON ME? You keep commenting on my work, saying that my dialogue/compo is too short or whatever. WHY? I'M NOT THE SAME LIKE THE REST! I'M DIFFERENT! I don't like to write a compo in Malay. And I don't have the idea for the compo. So what if my compo is not interesting? Why do you always compare mine with the rest? They're smarter! Satisfied? MY WORK IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THEIRS! Get it? I thank you for teaching what is right and what are the things that can make my work better, but the problem is that, you always compare my work. AND I HATE IT! It stops me from trying to give better work. BECAUSE I'M SICK OF IT! I'M TIRED! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! Every single word that came out from your mouth about my work is never a good thing. Why? Can you stop being so biased? It seems that you are so unhappy with me. Nah, with everything about me. What did I do? Is it because I don't ask for homework and always refuse to get involved in class? Is it because I don't ask question in class? Does a good student always ask? Can't a good student be someone who keeps quiet and listens but never write notes?

Do you always wonder why am I so unlike the other international students? Now let me tell you why. First, I don't like to study. I learn by listening. To me, practise doesn't make perfect. It's a waste of time. A last minute study is more effective to me. I don't like to write notes, because I know that I wouldn't be reading them and even if I would, I wouldn't be able to understand what the heck I have written on that piece of paper. So save the trees! Save my ink and my energy. Anyway, if i don't write notes, I would be able to pay more attention when you're explaining stuff. Secondly, do you know why my work is so different compared to the rest's? It's simply because they're smarter than me as they are much more older than me. For every single page that is filled with my words, they are already filling 2 pages. My compo usually only consists of 2 pages. But theirs, 2 pages is only the introduction. Am I right? Please do correct me if I'm wrong.

My point is that, I AM DIFFERENT. So please, for goodness' sake, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP COMPARING ME?? What do you gain from doing that? You think you'd be able to motivate me? You're wrong. Totally wrong! Keep that in mind.

xobleedinGirl

2009-05-01T02:01:00.002+08:00

What am I supposed to do??
Anyway, mid year exam is coming..
I am not ready for it yet..yeah
Things aren't as what they used to be
I need a break
A fucking long break
Life's getting more and more complicated each day
I know
You know
Everyone knows
Life isn't easy
So what should we do?
Crying for help in despair?
Begging God to make life easier for us?
What is the best way?
Is this how life supposed to be?
Any idea, my friend?

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-29T19:47:00.003+08:00

Here I am, doing it again. I never wanted to. But I'm forced.
Arghh!!! I'm getting tired of this shit!!
I tried to stop but still I can't.
What should I do?
I am not supposed to do it again.
It's enough. But why??

Video of the day: A Hopeless Romantic by Travis L.Cook
PS: I admire him a lot. He's a good director.

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-27T18:55:00.002+08:00

You know, sometimes I wonder why do the people around me are acting like as if nobody knows what they're thinking. I've been noticing some people in my school, from the way they act, I can tell that what they're saying it's not true. What they intent to do is just to attract their friends. Maybe it has nothing to do with me, but for your information, it actually bothers me a lot. Especially when the people they're trying to attract are my friends. You might find me weird and 'kaypoh'. I hate it when someone is asking his/her friends what they think of his/her stuff, I mean, it's obvious that that particular person is trying to show off his/her stuff. I am sure that what he/she wants to hear from his/her friends are something like, 'Oh, cool!! You have that stuff?'; 'You can do that?' ; 'That's so cool! I didn't know you can do that?'. You can say that I am jealous or something, but honestly, I am not at all. It just irritates me. I don't want people to admire someone who's arrogant. Don't you get it? I hate arrogance. What do you gain from being arrogant? Praises? Your thirst of praises is irritating, to me especially. I'm sorry if I'm pissing you/anybody off or maybe, offended you/anybody.

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-25T14:48:00.002+08:00

arghhh...darn it!! My head is spinning around and it feels like as if my brain is being sucked out. Headache!!! Today is gonna be a fucking bad day. 'sigh'....=(
-Everyday is the worst day ever!-

Song of the day: I'd Do Anything by Simple Plan

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-24T17:31:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, Sports Day..so boring. We got our class Tshirt already, they changed the design, well, much more nicer than the previous design. LOL. My class, won nothing. hahaha. My asked me to run for art club yesterday, but I didn't bring my shorts so we got disqualified. Not my fault, the other members didn't want to run too. And I don't think they have any reasons but lazy.

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-22T22:16:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow sports day liao...wah..gonna get my class tshirt. I bet it's going to be so freaking weird. Kinda expensive too.

Anw, I had a nightmare just now. It was so sick. Can you imagine...you were sleeping in a dark room when suddenly a human size doll/robot appeared in front of you with a fury mask like a gorilla. And it was nodding at you when you screamed. I had a phobia of clown and doll (the one that looks like human). ROFL. Yeah, that's why. I felt like I was in a remote part of a country...I don't know where, it looked like either China or Japan. A lot of weird things happened. Well, it's only a dream. Hahaha.

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-21T18:00:00.002+08:00

Summary of today:

- Woke up at 5.40 am
- Went to sch at 6.20 am
- After reaching sch then went to sleep again
- Woke up at 7.15 am, Sonia came
- Went back to class
- Found out that today got MATHS TEST ON VECTORS!!!
- Asked Venny to teach me how to do vectors
- Did english compre, half-dead
- Malay lessons, talking about cemetery, wide awake
- Recess!! finally...fiuh...
- Add maths lessons, Teacher talked crap
- Maths!! Fortunately, I could do the test.
- Art. Did nothing but waiting for the bell to ring.
- Kringggg!!! Finally! Can go home early!!
- Reached home around 3pm
- Fell asleep
- Did some personal stuff
- And now blogging, writing summary.(Go back to the top)

ROFL!!
Anw, I'm going to PW later at 8.30 pm.
Today is like...not much burden. hahaha. My bag was damn light too.
Well, I have a library of my own under the table. HAHAHA.

Song of the day: The Worst Day Ever by Simple Plan.
PS: This song is about my daily life.
Instruction:
Go to youtube, type in the title of the song and press enter. Listen to it, and you'll know what I'm talking about. ROFL.

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-15T18:26:00.002+08:00

Kinda bored. I'm supposed to do my english homework, but don't feel like doing it.
Starting to hate school even more.
I just can't stand the teachers and homework that keep piling up.
I am tired.
Why must things turn up to be this way??

Can I go back to Indo??
Or maybe just get out from the school??
I want to quit school, can't stand the pressure.
I HATE STUDYING!
I HATE SCHOOL!!

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-14T21:11:00.002+08:00

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT ALL THIS???
WHY???

First of all, I wanna say goodbye to my dear teacher, Ibu Mul.
Thanks for teaching me Maths and Science.
Thanks for teaching all of my siblings.
We're really gonna miss you loads.
I know, it's better off this way.
You're with God now.
Nothing can hurt you from now onwards.
Not even that silent killer.
Freaking cancer that brought you away from us.
We will never forget you.
We will meet again, someday.

-GOODBYE-

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-13T20:18:00.003+08:00

ARGGGGHHH!!! GET LOST!! STEALER!!

Don't you have anything better to do than stealing people's stuff??

You stole my friends and now you stole my IDEA!! What the fuck do you want???

If you think you are so good, then why can't you get your own idea??
You think I don't know that you always copy stuff from internet??
You are such a FAKE!

I thought you've changed. But I was wrong.

If you want people to admire your work, then create your OWN!
DO NOT STEAL!!!

Now because of you, I can't use my idea anymore.
Everyone might think that I'm the one who steal your idea.
Now I have to crack my brain again.
All of my hard work, YOU CAN EASILY STEAL IT FROM ME!!!
WTF!!!

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-11T14:39:00.002+08:00

I am so tired. Have no idea why. So lazy to study and do homework. Don't feel like coming to school anymore. Why? I don't know. School is so boring and stressful. study. study. STUDY! WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT STUDYING?? Teachers won't stop nagging. Homework keep piling up. My brain is BURSTING out of my head! This is what I call the never-ending-misery. Duh.

I wanna scream as loud as I could.

ARGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELP ME! GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-10T00:27:00.003+08:00

This is Sonia, the 1st pic was taken a few days ago. She just cut her hair. And the other pic is just a stupid drawing. I drew her for fun only. LOL. It doesn't really look like her. hahaha.

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-09T23:33:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERARD ARTHUR WAY!!!
May all your wishes come true, and I hope that you're going to find your dream car soon. LOL. Wish you all the best, especially in the making of the new album..haha.

Tomorrow is a good friday anyway.
Oh ya, I just found out about the truth of David's case. Life is really so unfair. Hope that the prof will get what he deserves. He's too much, too mean and too cruel. I don't understand why this kind of person actually exists in this world. He's a prof but doesn't know how to use his brain. What a shame. LMAO.

xobleedinGirl

2009-04-04T00:25:00.002+08:00

I used to have one wish
Something that is too selfish
I just want to die
before my loved ones fly
Because I don't want to be left
or abandoned without a care

xobleedinGirl

2009-03-30T21:23:00.002+08:00

I'M A FAKE!!!

YUCKS!!!

This is the most disgusting picture I ever take. duh.

xobleedinGirl

2009-03-25T18:02:00.004+08:00

I HATE SCHOOL!
Why?
Because I HATE SCHOOL!!
Don't you get it???

Stressful
Torturing
Unpleasant
Depressing
Yuck!

XObleedinGirl

2009-03-21T23:53:00.002+08:00

So..I went to HMV today with Ci Lian, just wanted to look around. Then I looked for LeATHERMOUTH CD in rock/pop section but couldn't find. So I looked for MCR CD and I found the Piano Tribute and Tribute to MCR. I WANT THEM!! Then there was the metal section and guess what, I found LeATHERMOUTH CD and A7X Strings Tribute!! I want them too...BUT I AM BROKE!!! And they are so expensive...'sigh'..

Things To Buy From HMV:
- MCR Piano Tribute
- Tribute to MCR
- LeATHERMOUTH
- A7X Strings Tribute
- MCR 1st Album
- MCR Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge
- A7X 'self-titled'

I WANT THEM SO BADLY!!!

Btw, today would be the last day of holiday....man, why??
I haven't had enough...I want more..I need more!

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-03-20T00:24:00.006+08:00

FRANK ANTHONY THOMAS IERO

IS THE BEST!!!!

This is why I love him!!

Because he's cute

Because he's funny

Because he's hot

Because he's friendly

Because he's THE BEST!

XObleedinGirl

2009-03-18T16:07:00.006+08:00

2009-03-18T13:54:00.004+08:00

30 reasons why I love My Chemical Romance:

They saved my life
Their songs are great
The lyrics speak to my heart
Gerard's voice makes my heart melt.
Ray's solo makes me smile.
Frank's guitar makes my heart burn.
Bob's drum makes me wanna jump.
Mikey's bass makes my heart beat faster than ever.
They are so energetic.
They show me what life is all about.
They tell me to keep on living.
Great artists.
Awesome musicians.
They inspire me.
They are my role models.
They make me laugh.
Gerard is in the band
Frank is in the band
Bob is in the band
Mikey is in the band
Ray is in the band
Frank is damn cute
Gerard is so cool
They make me smile all day
Bob is funny
Frank is hot
They make me happy-'I don't know how'
They love their fans and never disappoint us
They changed my life!!
They rock my world!!

XOXO

Keep the faith,

Beatrice-

2009-03-18T12:07:00.002+08:00

Wooo....I have a great dream last night...damn freaking nice!! Hahaha. Not telling anyone what it was, obviously. haha. I wanna go back to my dream!
Anyway....why am I feeling so uncomfortable??
-Maybe I'm better off dead-

I'M
NOT
OKAY!
and will never be~~~

XOXO
It's me under pressure,
Beatrice-

2009-03-16T14:31:00.003+08:00

What a 'GREAT' Monday. God! I hate mondays! LMAO.
I'm bored...nothing's special. I'm so damn tired. Tired of school. Tired of studying. Tired of living. Tired of everything! Why can't my life get any better? Geez!

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?

XOXO
It's me under pressure,
Beatrice-

2009-03-13T19:15:00.003+08:00

I wrote this story last night. Just read it. LOL.

Never Coming Home

She was everything I could ever ask for. Someone who knew me more than anyone did. Never did I ever expect her to leave me all alone like this. It was just so unbelievable.

Kimberly was her name, but she was known as Kim. A bubbly and cheerful girl, she was always there when I was feeling down. When I cried, she would hug me and make me laugh. She just loved to see me smile. Having a friend like her was like the best thing I ever had. No one was as unique and funny as her.

Just one week before my 16th birthday, she called me up in the middle of the night just to ask me what I wanted for my birthday. I told her that I had been wanting to buy a black and red electric guitar. She kept quiet for a while then said to me, ‘I would definitely get you that for your sweet sixteen!’ she laughed. I was really happy to hear that. The next day in school, Kim told me that she had been searching every music shop to get the guitar. I told her that I did not really mean what I had said the night before that I wanted her to get me the guitar. She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.

A few days had passed and my birthday was just around the corner. I had not heard the news about the guitar from Kim, I knew that she could not find it because I knew that the guitar I wanted was rare. On my birthday party, I was kind of disappointed because Kim did not get me the guitar. She realized that.

‘Sorry, I couldn’t find it. But I’ll get you something that is quite similar to the one that you wanted,’ she told me. I could not say anything but nodded at her and gave her a smile. She ran across the street and disappeared. I did not know where she had gone to. Fifteen minutes later, she came back, waving and running towards me. I could see a black and white guitar in her grip. She looked very delighted and without looking around, she just crossed the street.

That moment was the time when my birthday turned into a disaster. I saw a big truck was speeding up and colliding against Kim’s body. The only thing that I could do was screaming as loud as I could. I ran towards her. She was helpless, the blood covered her face. The last sentence that came out from her mouth was, ‘Happy Birthday, Dawn.’ Then her smile faded away. The black and white guitar turned into a red and black guitar, just like the one that I wanted, as it was covered with Kim’s blood.

On my 16th birthday, I got what I wanted but I lost someone that I could not live without. A best friend of mine, Kimberly, died from a road accident on my birthday. She was never coming home again.

PS: This story is inspired by a song from My Chemical Romance, 'The Ghost of You'

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-03-12T21:47:00.003+08:00

Thursday!! I hate Thursday...wanna know why? Because there's a Maths training from 4.30 till 6pm. Waste my time! I should have told Mr Feroze that I don't want to go for that SMO. Now i'm suffering. 'sigh' . March holiday is coming! yay!! But...I still have to come back to school for that stupid mural painting and extra lessons! Argh!! I'm sure the wall will become damn ugly. Not my fault obviously! I did the design, but I'm not responsible for whatever is going to happen to the wall. Well, I'm in charge of the other group. Anyway, I wanna watch Watchmen!! But it's M18...I wanna buy the comic too..it looks nice. But I'm sure that The Umbrella Academy is much more cooler than any other superheroes. Am I right?? Yeah! LMAO. I'm going insane.

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-03-07T19:01:00.002+08:00

'Sigh'...I feel so bad that I can't go to Venny's birthday celebration...sorry Venny! I really am.
Argh...I'm so tired today!!
Ok, gotta go..haven't do my art!! Damn!!

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-03-06T17:28:00.002+08:00

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me and your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shed but I'm me

I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you

Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learnt to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are

Leave out all the rest-Linkin Park

2009-03-06T16:28:00.003+08:00

Am I weird if I say...
'I love BLOOD'??

3 Things I love right now:
- MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE
- AVENGED SEVENFOLD
- SIMPLE PLAN

3 Things I hate right now:
- SCHOOL!!! Duh...!
- My life
- Myself

3 Things I regretted in life:
- To trust them
- To be their friend
- Didn't go to MCR concert

3 Most important lessons in life:
- Trust no one but yourself
- Truth hurts worse than anything
- No one is saying the truth

3 Things I've been wanting to do but haven't got the chance to:
- Go to MCR concert
- Go to Avenged Sevenfold concert
- Burn down the school

3 Words that describe myself:
- Emo
- Cold
- Self-harm

3 Words that describe my dream guy:
- Caring
- Mature
- Sweet

3 Words that describe my life:
- Horrible
- Empty
- Stressful

1 Habit/mindset I promise to change(from now on):
- Stop doing a last-minute-work

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-03-06T15:54:00.002+08:00

So here I am, again, crying in this unforgivable silence. Feeling empty and alone. I really have no idea why I'm here...sucks.
Okay...I'll just stop being emo for today. Well, let's talk about school...OMG, I think there's something wrong with my english. I got a very terrible result for my English CA. WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH ME??? Can anyone please just tell me?? I hate this.

Damn!!!

2009-03-01T22:46:00.001+08:00

It's been a long time since I last saw this video...
It's a great song, by MCR of course, miss this song a lot..
LOL.

2009-03-01T20:17:00.002+08:00

Haiz...school is getting really annoying these days....all the damned homework, tests, and teachers.
I'm so tired of everything...I even thought of committing suicide. Life is so unfair.
These days, I don't know why, I feel that the people around me are hating me. Is it just my feeling or is it true?? What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I get this thing out of my head?

'I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not.
I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got.'
-Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired-

ARGHHHH!!!! I want to get out from this never-ending-misery!!!

XOXO
Keep the faith
-Beatrice

2009-02-18T23:41:00.001+08:00

CHECK THIS OUT!!! REALLY COOL! MCR ROCKS TO THE CORE!!!!!
DESOLATION ROW- by MCR
LOOK AT FRANK! LOOK AT FRANK!
Isn't he's cool?? Of course, he is!
God, I love Gerard's voice, he's a damn fucking amazing singer! Love Gee and Frank to DEATH!

2009-02-07T23:24:00.002+08:00

You know, sometimes I wonder what do people think about me....?
Well, let's talk about me, LOL.

Name: Beatrice Arlani
D.O.B: 22 Oct '93
NickName: BleedinGirl
Hobbies: Listen to music, sleep, write poetry, draw, jump and rock around, surf internet, watch DVD Live, daydreaming, read, look for informations, paint, look for pictures, and eat.
Interests: Art and Music
Fav. Subjects: Chemistry, English and Art
Fav. Band: MCR, SP, A7X, FOB, 3DG, GC, and a lot more.
My Motto: Just be yourself and don't take anyone's shit.
Fav. Sports: Basketball, Soccer---I guess
Fav. Colours: Red and Black
My ambition: Expert in graphic and 3D design or a comic writer
Fav Outfits: Band Shirt, pants and sneakers; baggy shirt & pants and vans, shirt and tie.

Hmm...I'm kinda emo and self-harm. Maybe sometimes I don't dress like one, but it's personality not a fashion statement, I believe. I'm not smart, not stupid too. Sometimes I can be very quiet and very talkative. Usually shy but like meeting new people. I have a very unique taste, what I like, many people don't like, and I love to be different. I don't like to be followed and to follow. I don't know....I just wanna go in my own way and hate people who distract me whenever I'm doing something. Many people think that I'm a very useless girl who can't do anything, but they don't know me. I might be unreactive sometimes but when I can't hold my anger anymore, I can do something really bad. Don't believe? Try. I'll see what you can do. LOL. Anyway, I have to stop now.

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-02-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

GUYS!!
You know what, I'm so fuckng happy today!
I just bought Avenged Sevenfold DVD Live in LBC!!
And it's like so damn fucking cool!! LOVE IT SO MUCH!!
Ok anyway....hmm...I don't know what to write, ok, maybe some poems, I guess.

Sometimes I know that I'm wrong
But it's just so hard to explain
All the things I've waited so long
Never even they come back again

Am I forcing myself to this?
Is it too late for me to see?
Why can't you just believe?
That I'll never let you leave

This is tough for me, I know
But let me go with the flow
Through all the things I couldn't see
You left me behind and let me be

Too hard for me to let go
The things that stuck too long
I do wonder how to show
That this is where you belong

Next poem----

Too much grieves going on
Leaving me with insanity
The heart you have torn
To prove the possibility

To live and to die
The missing episode
To see, to get blind
The lost and insecured

What's left to be seen
It's more than a scene
Showing all my sins
It's good to be mean

-------END--------

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-02-06T17:52:00.004+08:00

Owh...long time never posted anything...
Nothing much happened these few days, just some stupid stuff and school, loads of hw...
well, I don't know...maybe I'll just post the stupid poem I just made..LMAO.

I hope it's not too late
To say that I'm sorry
For what I've said
This is just not me

So can you hear me?
Can you see me?
I'm always here
Sure, it's clear

For the things you left
Not a word you shared
What have you done?
Just get me that gun

So will you forgive?
I'm here to see
Don't you ever slipped
Away from me

I just can't live
In misery like this
Soon I'll leave
Won't rest in peace

Show me that you care
Show me that you're there
Though I know it hurts
So is that all you've heard?

Okay, so here is another old poem I wrote

The one who screams
The one who cries
The one who lives
In this world of lies

Lives in misery
Stucks in tragedy
She bleeds again
'Cause of the pain

Living but dead
Loving but hate
Happy but sad
Early but late

I am what I am
You can't change me
'Cause I'm not ashamed
This is what I'm supposed to be

-BleedinGirl

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-(bleedinGirl)

2009-01-30T15:47:00.002+08:00

1st-ci Lian n Me

2nd-ci Elyne n Me

3rd-just Me

Compare all the pics, which one is the real 'me'???

hahaha.

Anyway, I got my new phone!!!! IT'S SOOOO NICE!! Hahaha..love it!

XOXO

Keep the faith,

Beatrice

2009-01-29T18:39:00.000+08:00

CHECK THIS OUT!! LOVE IT!!

2009-01-29T18:16:00.001+08:00

A Note From Gerard - new song today!

Yay new song!
Actually it's not a new song, it's a cover song, but it's the first music we've recorded since Black Parade. As we are gearing up to start the next album I wanted to pop in and talk about the track we were asked to cover for the Watchmen film by Zack Snyder, which you can get here.Firstly, I'd like to point out that we have never recorded a song for a film. We have allowed a couple of our songs to be used in trailers or end-credits, but since we are usually pretty busy with either recording or touring there has never been time to do something like this before, and even this was kind of tight, as we started it before even finishing our last tour. There have been other offers to do this kind of thing, and usually the timing always made it impossible, but more often than not the project never seemed to fit the band, and we have always passed. But when the chance came to do a cover of one of my favorite artists, Bob Dylan, for a film version of my favorite work of fiction of all time we had to jump at the chance.Sometimes an interviewer will ask a musician "What's the one record or musical experience, like a concert, that made you want to make music?". Usually people will mention some sort of 7 inch record or a show they saw in a basement that really changed their lives, got them into punk rock, and shaped the way they looked at the world. For me it was Watchmen. At 15 years old, just as I was discovering The Misfits "Walk Among Us" I was reading the first chapter of the graphic novel. It is the one thing I can pinpoint that shaped my views and aesthetics, even down to the way I dressed at the time, not that I walked the hallways in a stained brown trench coat, but I definitely chose more antisocial articles of clothing, like an army jacket, picked up after watching Taxi Driver for the twentieth time, a film I was lead to by the comic. So I would definitely say it's pretty important to me and the band.The talks started about the same time as Projekt Revolution, and I remember getting on the phone with Zack, who was as excited as I was, somewhere in the middle of the desert as out bus rolled to the next venue. We talked about the comic and he asked what I felt the approach to the song should be, which was to take a cue from Jim Carroll, who is not only the author of The Basketball Diaries but also a musician, and a pretty great one at that. On his album, Catholic Boy, he has a song called "People Who Died", which I love, as does Frank, as he always includes it in our "Front Of House Mixes" you would hear during set-change during one of our concerts. Zack responded to this approach right away, as he actually used that song to end his remake of "Dawn Of The Dead", which I had totally forgotten about, even though the whole band saw it on opening night and loved it. So the tone was decided upon and then came the length, which initially Zack wanted to be the full version of Dylan's.Now, I would consider myself a pretty big Dylan fan, especially after having worked with Scott Allie on my comic, as he really got me into him even more than I was before. And while I didn't want to alter the song at all, I found that I had to, due to the new approach and the aggressive nature of the cover. There was simply no way I felt you could make it feel like a trashy punk song and play it for ten minutes...I think it's impossible to keep that kind of energy up without either burning out or boring yourself, as anyone will note that most Ramones songs don't exceed three minutes, and there's a reason for that. Down-strummed til your wrist breaks! Fast and fucking hard!So back at a hotel in Arizona I sat in a hotel and did a rough arrangement, which clocked in at around 2:40, and I paid careful attention to the lyrics, while losing some of my favorite verses I managed to keep the ones I felt were represented by Alan Moore in the comic. We then started playing the song at sound check, and had so much fun doing it that we decided to play it live, to get warmed up for the recording.We did some initial tracking in Nashville and then just lived with it for a while. When crunch time came, and after seeing some of the film, I became increasingly unhappy with my vocal performance, and we felt we could get more out of the guitars. So we asked our friend Rich Costey to help us finish the track and get some new sounds, which he did, in NYC at Electric Ladyland, with the addition of some sweet old Marshall Plexi's, to get a kind of Sex Pistols tone, and we had a blast.And thats pretty much the story of the song. We're really proud of it, and really excited you finally get to hear it.

Hurm,
G

PS- Special thanks to Bob Dylan for letting us cover the song and for not getting really mad at us for hacking out some of the best lyrics ever written.

2009-01-23T16:35:00.002+08:00

Today we were having a chinese new year celebration in school. Not really that good but I like the Lion Dance and Hip-hop, Adinda was so cool!! LOL. And the boys from 4A8 and some from another class were soooooo funny!! They were like making fun of the emcee...hahaha. Me, Cindy, Sonia and the people there were laughing so hard!! Especially when he said, 'Ayam' and 'elephant'!!! It's like so fucking dumb, lucky they didn't get scolded. LOL.
Anw, gotta go!

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-01-23T00:05:00.001+08:00

LETTER FROM FRANK!!!

Leathermouth lives!

Hello friends,

A new day is here, I hope you're all well. I'm writing to let you all know that ive been busy…and time flies when you're busy I suppose. It's mid January already, and everything in northern new jersey is frozen and dead. So I'll get right to the point…some of you may have heard that a while back I started work on a band called Leathermouth with a few of my friends from back home in Jersey. We played a few shows, wrote a few songs, and ended up recording 10 of those songs in our basements. Now, after what feels like a lifetime, on January 27th 2009 those 10 songs are finally being released as a full length CD entitled, "XO", on Epitaph Records…and Im pretty excited about this. Ever since I was a young kid going to shows I always wanted to be in a band I believed in and release a record I put my heart into, ive been fortunate enough in my life to experience this a couple of times…and it never gets old. Now I must say this project isn't for all of you, I urge you to find out for yourselves what Leathermouth is before you form an opinion or spend any of your hard earned money on it. I venture to say many of you will probably end up hating it and I encourage you to vent that distaste as you see fit, my only hope is that you are not indifferent to it. With that said, if you do end up enjoying LM, well then let god have mercy on your eternal soul, and if you want to preorder the record you can do so now at Smartpunk or Interpunk. Also, for those of you that live in the greater New Jersey area, we are going to be playing a last minute CD release show at Vintage Vinyl, 51 Lafayette Rd in Fords, NJ on Tuesday Jan 27th at 7pm sharp. If you pre-order the record there or pick it up on the street date, they'll give you a wristband for the show. You can go to their website for all the details. Thank you for your time

XOfrank

2009-01-22T16:45:00.002+08:00

Things To Buy:

- LeatherMouth CD
- Avenged Sevenfold DVD Live in LBC
- New phone
- MCR new album
- Electric guitar

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-01-22T16:11:00.003+08:00

Damn! This morning, there was a spot check, lucky I cut my hair yesterday...but still, I got caught for long nails and the teacher asked us to go to the general office to cut our nails. WTF. Oh anyway, one important thing, Mr Lim is back!!! He's changed, I guess. I mean, I saw him smiling and the way he talked to the school just now was kinda different. Yay! The old Mr Lim is back!! Hahaha...so happy. LOL.
I wanna buy new phone, the nokia supernova, it's so cool! Freddy bought that already...huhuhuhu....LMAO
By the way, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!
Gong Xi Fa Cai
Hong Bao Na lAi!!

XOXO
Keep the faith
Beatrice-

2009-01-20T16:09:00.002+08:00

Haiz....another day in that freaking school...
Well anyway, today, during English lesson, Mrs Gopal gave us essay homework and guess what, the topics she gave were:
-Forgiveness
-Write abou a time when you found it hard to forgive someone who's close to you.
-Describe a time when you forgave someone after a fatal misunderstanding and why do you think forgiveness is very important?
When she first wrote 'forgiveness', I said to myself, 'I'm gonna write that.' But when she wrote the second one, I was like, DAMN! That suits my situation right now!
I'm gonna write everything that had happened to me, I hope I'll be able to write a damn good essay, not for a good grade but just to satisfy myself. I'm still feeling betrayed and I'm so fucking traumatized. Well, they haven't pay the price yet. They better do.
Okay, Beatrice, forget about that...

Anyway...I wonder where on earth is Mr Lim right now..He's gone!! He hasn't come back to school yet, What the heck actually happened??

Oh yeah, last night something pissed me off...I just couldn't believe it..I mean...never mind. 'sigh'

Anyway, gotta do my Maths assignment.

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

WTF

2009-01-19T19:28:00.002+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!
OMG, guys, can you imagine this??!
First, I have a history test which was so damn fucking hard, then Social Studies test, even worse. And the worst of all is that--------I GOT 3/12 FOR MY SOCIAL STUDIES TEST LAST WEEK!
WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO?? Only 3 people passed and the rest, all failed. I mean, it wasn't really my fault...that Mrs. Poh didn't even tell us that there would be a test, well, it was an open book test, good for those who brought the sec3 textbook. But for me??! She didn't say that we're still going to use that book, I mean, we're already in sec4, do we even still need that book? No, for now, but yes, for the O level, I bet. Ok, whatever.
Well, anyway, I didn't do much study last night for chemistry, and luckily the test wasn't that difficult, I think I'll still be able to pass. Hopefully.

Oh, and just now...during my art club, Mrs Lim shot me with this very weird but familiar question,...
Mrs Lim: Beatrice, have you been getting along well with your friends?
Me: Huh? What? With who??
Mrs Lim: Your classmates...
Me: Oh..that...something happened..
Mrs Lim: If you have problem, then settle it, don't just get angry and become enemies..
Me: ...'sigh'...
And I was like...'it's not that easy to settle this, they started it. You just don't know what had actually happened between me and them. It's all about betrayal and backstabbing your bestfriend. You'll never know how much it hurts you until it happen to you.'

I thought that I was doing well with my other classmates, I mean, everything has just started to get better...a little bit better. Man, I miss my life in Indo....never thought that things would turned up this way....

Anyway, gotta go, lots of HW to be done. Damn fucking school! LMAO.

XOXO
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

School sucks

2009-01-17T17:02:00.003+08:00

OH MY GOD!!!! Monday : Chem Diagnostic test-all sec3 stuff
Hist test-chap 3.1
HW!!!!!
What the fuck am I suppose to do?? So many things, so little time. I haven't even start doing my Art course work...OMG, tell you what, I'm dying.

Oh anyway, did I tell you that my school got vandalised?? Ok, not really, only the girls' toilet behind the canteen. Some girls, I don't know who, they painted and wrote on the wall in the toilet and the floor outside the toilet, saying 'Mr Lim(D.M) sux', 'Mr Jon Lim sux', 'Mr J.Lim sux to the core', and stuff like that, you know....I think they're a bit too much, but somehow, I feel that he actually DESERVED it. I mean, he used to be such a nice and caring teacher BEFORE....but since he becamed D.M, he started to act fierce, it's like so irritating! He never even smiled! So arrogant! I really want to know what his reaction would be, well, he didn't come since last monday till yesterday, the whole week. And the other teachers didn't even talk about it, I wonder why....I'm really damn sure something was up. Man, I miss the old Mr Lim....Ok, whatever...LMAO.

I wanna go back Indo!! Miss Indo so much....damn!
Anw, gotta go. LOL.

XOXO,
Keep the faith,
Beatrice-

2009-01-13T21:31:00.003+08:00

FRANK IERO

and MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE---GEE, FRANK, BOB, MIKEY, RAY